i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
