Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
