Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
