Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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