Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
