I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
