I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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