I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
