I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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