I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
