But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
what day is it and did you see me today?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
