Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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