I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
too bad you live with your parents still
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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