wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
