you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
