you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
MIDGETS
????
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
