Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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