Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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