I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
