Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
