Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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