well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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