Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
