i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
