I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
