note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
