i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
