you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
