I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
