That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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