Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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