Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I looked at my own cervix.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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