Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
