Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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