your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
