4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
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It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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