Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
