You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
