You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
