i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
