I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
