whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
