I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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