I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
