i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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