My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
