Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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