My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
