I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
