It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
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we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
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If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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