I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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