video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
