remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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