At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
