Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
