Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
