I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
