Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Text me some of your sweat
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