And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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