Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
