omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
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Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
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He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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