Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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