I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
