I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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