Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She needs sedatives and a leash
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
